The Dance of Connection

The Dance of Connection

How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

Book - 2001
Average Rating:
Rate this:

Bestselling author Harriet Lerner focuses on the challenge and the importance of being able to express one's "authentic voice" in intimate relationships.

The key problem in relationships, particularly over time, is that people begin to lose their voice. Despite decades of assertiveness training and lots of good advice about communicating with clarity, timing, and tact, women and men find that their greatest complaints in marriage and other intimate relationships are that they are not being heard, that they cannot affect the other person, that fights go nowhere, that conflict brings only pain. Although an intimate, long-term relationship offers the greatest possibilities for knowing the other person and being known, these relationships are also fertile ground for silence and frustration when it comes to articulating a true self. And yet giving voice to this self is at the center of having both a relationship and a self. Much as she did in THE MOTHER DANCE, Lerner will approach this rich subject with tales from her personal life and clinical work, inspiring and teaching readers to speak their own truths to the most important people in their lives.

Publisher: New York : HarperCollins, c2001.
ISBN: 9780060196387
Characteristics: xii, 256 p. ;,24 cm.


From the critics

Community Activity


Add a Comment
Feb 12, 2019

Replete with illustrative stories. The meat of the message is to be savored slowly and reflectively as it is paradoxical to our thinking. "Along with a spontaneous voice, we need restraint as well as the courage to experiment with novel or unfamiliar parts of ourselves." When was the last time you left your comfort zone and explored your deep feelings and needs? Investigate the gap between what we say and the sort of person we hope to become. That's the problem ... not necessarily the other person we are expecting to change or come around to us. How about we come around to ourselves and be patient and compassionate with those parts that fall short instead of blaming and punishing others? If you take the time to let her message sink it, you will have a good map towards a healthy future self.

Apr 10, 2012

This is a good read for anyone looking into ways to have conversations that might seem difficult with people you love ...truthtelling and looking out for ourselves.Silence ,in the name of 'protecting' self or the other person only diminishes us...that was my take away! Happy read everyone!

Age Suitability

Add Age Suitability

There are no age suitabilities for this title yet.


Add a Summary

There are no summaries for this title yet.


Add Notices

There are no notices for this title yet.


Add a Quote

There are no quotes for this title yet.

Explore Further

Browse by Call Number


Subject Headings


Find it at Library

To Top